Choice
Words International
“For me, the most memorable aspect of Le Marathon
International de Paris will always be spelled ‘p-e-e.’ Everyone knows
that what every runner needs before a race is water and a pee—not
necessarily in that order and not necessarily just once. As we emerged from the
Métro station, I had no eyes for the Arc de Triomphe, preoccupied as I
was in my search for le port-a-pot. Finally, in response to my urgent query, a
gendarme waved dismissively in a certain direction. I got the message. Frank
stood guard while I picked my way over construction debris and tried to find
some scraps of fencing to use as a screen. I crouched in the dirt with my back
to oncoming traffic, hoping that my position wouldn’t register with
drivers whizzing by until it was too late. Eighteen thousand runners at the
start and not one portable toilet. How very French.”
From “The City of Lights Does Marathon
Lite,” Marathon & Beyond, March/April 1999.
"Pay promptly. There is no better loyalty builder than quick
processing of invoices. Ask any favour, and it shall be given, even if it means
writing a crowd-rousing speech overnight or drafting a delicate report by noon.
Know that your name is being mentioned reverently in other corporate circles.
Watch your reputation grow more lustrous each passing day. And when the moment
arrives for you to make a career change, feel free to ask for information,
recommendations, and introductions. You will receive your reward, and it shall
be good. (Excuse me while I wipe away a tear. I always get emotional about cash
flow.)"
From "Perfect Client," Silver Kris,
December 1998.
"The best thing about Norway is its public toilets. Oh, sure,
Norway offers many delights, including magnificent fjords, breathtaking
seascapes, charming fishing villages clinging to rocky shorelines, creamy
comfort food, and pleasantly attractive people. But, for my money, toilets top
the most memorable list….
"It was towards the end of my trip that I wondered, however, if
the Norwegians truly appreciate this bounty. An Oslo bus driver raised the
question. Having no passengers and what he thought was a deserted stretch of
road on the way to the Kon-tiki Ra Museum, he hopped out and unzipped.
"I feel very badly about the whole thing. All I wanted to do was
admire the substantial estates neighbouring the Royal Summer Palace and Horse
Farm. I had no intention of interrupting such a bucolic communion with Nature.
I tried to reassure him that I'd seen worse, but he fled, gabbling frantically,
hastily stuffing himself back within the safety of the zipper, departing in a
roar of diesel fumes and shock. I wish he'd waited. I'm sure he'd have been
comforted by my admiration for the Norwegian public toilet."
From "Where's the Loo in the Louvre?"
Canadian, October 1991. |